


never did move on

by feralgaymlm



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye, jacksepticeye egos - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Porn, Cheating, Drinking, Henrik and Jack both cheat on their lovers with eachother, Hotel Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, Smut, marriage AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 11:57:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18850603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralgaymlm/pseuds/feralgaymlm
Summary: It was the type of love that couldn't be smothered; even after years of no contact, even after all that happened...Even after they believed they've moved on, they always end up in each other's arms.





	never did move on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WitchyTwitchy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchyTwitchy/gifts).



A few drinks ordered and they were sitting in a booth.

Henrik couldn't stop smiling, watching as Jack happily babbled about all the small, insignificent things that's happen in his life ever since everyone moved on. No egos were mentioned, just silly little hobbies and new friends.  
His thoughts were focused on Jack. The bubbly Irishman who...who seemed so much older than he used to. Not the hopeful, trusting man Henrik fell in love with.  
But that didn't stop Henrik from still having feelings for his old liebe.

He had slyly slipped his ring off and left it in his pocket, but everytime he shifted - everytime he felt it move against his thigh - he was painfully reminded of all the mistakes he's made....all the chances he never got to take....who he left behind.  
A regret. Marrying someone else was a regret. 

"And then I - I met a girl! She was nice for a bit, and we..." Jack trailed off, and Henrik stiffened as he heard the mere mention of someone else. It was hypocritical, to feel jealous when he's kind of moved on himself, but that didn't stop the bitter emotion from festering within him.  
"You guys vhat?" Henrik asked, lips pressing into a thin line as he refrained from sharing his thoughts on it. He didn't want to lose his liebe, not when he was so close to having him again -  
Whoever said he was close to that?  
Embarrassed at his own needy thoughts, Henrik looked down at his glass, using the provided straws to stir it. 

He couldn't have Jack again, not while he was married! That was wrong on so many levels, that would be betraying everything he stands for! That would be betraying Jackie. He shifted in his seat, taking a deep breath as he felt the ring poke into his thigh. Yes....Jackie. He shouldn't even be here, should he? It was risky enough, talking to Jack after all this time, with all this pent up frustrations and longing, but when he was intoxicated?  
That was even worse. 

Like he's even going to do that. This is just a friendly chat, and then they'll go their seperate ways! How could he expect something so...intimate when they've only just ran into eachother tonight. 

"Well....we broke it off. She left most of her things at my house." Jack hesitated, glancing at his phone that laid on the table, as if he was looking for clues to an answer he didn't know. But then he continued on, so the doctor didn't even bring it up.  
Because how fair would that be? He's leaving out things too, non-important things, so he'll let Jack leave out small details. 

"After that, Chase moved in. And we've just been...living, y'know?" Jack forced out a chuckle, shaking his head as his lips curled into a small smile. "We've been working and traveling a bit. Just moved back into town last week." His eyes were wide as he stared at the clock on the wall that was across the room, but the smile stuck. Still surprised with his decision. "It's....the same house as before. When we all....."

Oh.  
Henrik winced at the mention of...before. In that house. All the torture they've endured, all the horrible things done within it. All the memories that should be burnt and left behind.  
"You could always come over to my house, if it gets too much. I'm not so sure how long you'd guys be able to stay, my roommate is very...private and distant about our life. But! If you ever want to stop by or need a place, I'm here for you." Henrik had stopped fidgeting, reaching a hand forward to grab at one of Jack's, dragging a thumb across his knuckles. It'd be nice to live under the same roof again....maybe even sleep in the same bed -  
No. No. He has a husband. He's -

"Hen. I -" Jack's voice kept on dragging him back in, kept on erasing his urge to resist. "Thanks. Uh...where do you live anyways? I always thought you'd run off to Germany after all of....that."  
The small, awkward giggle made Henrik smile again. Gott, if only he could get Jack to laugh, then he can leave this bar happy.  
"Zhe uh, upperside of town actually. Where all the nice houses are. It's more on the edge of it, so it's really quiet." Pride swelled up in his throat, and he began to toy with Jack's fingers as he puffed out his chest. "I got it after me and my roommate....met. He doesn't pay any of the bills, but he's not really supposed to."  
"You're still as generous as always." Jack hummed. As much as that wasn't true, he was glad that Jack still thought that of him. 

They had left on rather...negative note. Not talking to eachother. And the last time he saw Jack was when the other was sleeping.  
He had snuck into Jack's room the night he left, wanting to wake up the other and tell him goodbye.  
He never got the courage to do so. Instead, he stared at Jack and whispered out a goodbye. All the emotions, all the pain and misery, all of it had choked up in his throat.  
Oh, how he would kill to sleep in the same bed as Jack again. Feel the other pressed up against him once more....listen to his breathing even out as he fell into a slumber...

Then out the front door with his luggage. Off to the apartment Jackie had disappeared to a week before he left. 

"But that doesn't sound like a good roommate, Schneeple." Jack warned, using his free hand to wiggle a finger in the air.  
"Mm, well, no one could ever be as good as you were Jack."  
No one could ever compare to Jack. Never. 

Jack giggled, taking a sip of his drink. He didn't pay any mind to Henrik's hand holding his own. It was natural for them. To fall back into old habits. 

To fall back into old habits. 

So it was natural for his other hand to come up and push back Jack's hair, cup his face, drag his rough thumb over the soft skin of his lips.  
And all Jack did was stare at him. As if this was wrong. Wide baby blue eyes that he's always fell victim to.  
His liebe his liebe his liebe his his his his hishishishis -

"I've - I've missed you, Hen." Jack admitted, and Henrik had to refrain from kissing the Irishman right then and there when he felt those soft lips move against his thumb. "When you left, I didn't know what to do...it was so weird....not having you around, not being around you - I know we weren't....close in the end of it, but I want to be close again."

Henrik pulled away from Jack, sitting back in his seat. A shaky breath escaped his lips, and fresh tears shined in his eyes, as he moved a hand up to push back his greying hair.  
Then he was grabbing for his wallet, taking out the amount for the drinks and a tip before lining it up on the edge of the table. 

"Wh - Hen? What are you - ?"  
"Come on, mein liebe." Henrik muttered, grabbing Jack's hand and leading the confused man out of the bar. 

"What are we doing?" Jack asked when he got into the doctor's car. "Hen?"  
"Mein liebe, I - have you ever wanted to..." Henrik paused for a moment, sitting in the driver's seat with his hands on the wheel. "To touch me? Have you?"  
At seeing Jack's hesitance, Henrik was quick to continue.  
"Because I've always wanted to touch you - to make you mine. Mein liebe, mein lovely liebe." 

He drove in silence for a few moments, watching the road signs for the nearest hotel. Maybe they can get away for a week or so, lay in a bed together and just coo at eachother about how much they've missed eachother.  
Just be eachother's. No worries in the world. He's willing to throw away his whole life if it meant Jack's by his side. He's willing to leave everything behind if it means Jack is his. 

"I've.....I'd be lying if I said I've never wanted to." Jack admitted quietly, looking down at his lap. But he placed his hand on Henrik's knee, ghosting his fingers up to the doctor's thigh. His breath hitched in his throat and he turned into the parking lot of a hotel, pulling over and parking. 

Without a second to spare, Henrik turned in his seat and yanked Jack towards him, smashing his lips against soft ones.  
So soft. Lips he's longed to kiss for years and never got the chance to. He drank up every taste he got from them, relishing in the gasp he got when he bit at Jack's bottom lip.

(Wrong. Wasn't this wrong? Betraying what he believed in, betraying....betraying who again?)

Hands cupped his face desperately, Jack's lips parting open to give him access. So foreign and yet so familiar. He's never...felt Jack in this way. But it felt all too familiar, Jack's body was so mesmerizing. 

Alcohol was heavy on both of their tongues, making this all the more intoxicating. It merely amplified his want for Jack, made him crave his skin against his own, made him want to taste every part of him. 

Jack pushed his face back, but his hands still lingered, thumbs brushing at the skin under his eyes.  
"We should get inside, Hen." Jack mumbled, dilated eyes fixated on Henrik's swollen, pouty bottom lip. 

Henrik rasped out a chuckle. This was all too real that it had to be a dream. He can't...there's no way he's actually allowed to touch Jack.  
Not after so long. Not after he moved on.

But he never really moved on, did he? Walking into the hotel with Jack's hand in his, he realized that he never truly moved on. Just...distracted himself.  
Perhaps that was the depressive truth. And maybe, he would never move on. 

Jack was irreplaceable. And no matter how long Henrik's away from him, or how long he distracts himself, he will always go back to Jack. The man would always be a constant presence in his mind, always make his heart ache for what could've been. No one could every replace him; no one could ever be enough to satisfy his longing. 

They signed into a hotel room, and he grabbed the keys, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.  
It surprised him when Jack didn't skip ahead of him, when Jack didn't grin and make some outrageous comment.  
The old Jack was so full of energy. So jumpy and ready to say something slightly offensive.

This new one was quiet and polite, walking alongside him with a small smile on his face.

"We should've done this sooner, Hen." 

There was something about Jack's tone that he couldn't place, but by the way the Irishman looked up at him with tired eyes, it clearly wasn't good. 

"I...you made me so happy, y'know?" 

Henrik blinked, shoulders slumping as he looked at the ground.  
Of course he knew that, but he had his doubts. The last time he saw Jack...the other was so upset with him, wouldn't even listen to his side of the story.  
The only one who would listen was...was...  
His face paled and he turned his head away from Jack, staring at the doors as they passed by. 

At this point, he's forgotten everyone else. It was only Jack. Only Jack.  
So then...why did he felt so sick of himself? Why did he feel as if he was going to ruin something - someone?

"You made me happy too. So happy..." Henrik said, turning back to look at Jack. He calmed down, realizing that maybe he's just being irrational. As long as he's with Jack, then everything will be okay. "At one point I thought...I thought I might've..."  
The words were hard to get out, becoming choked up in his throat as he took the key out of his pocket and began to unlock the door to their hotel room. 

"Do you still?"

Henrik hesitated, unsure how to respond. And his hands were shaking, making it harder to unlock the fucking door and Jack was watching and expecting an answer and -  
A hand cupped the side of his face, forcing him to turn towards the smaller man. Panicky blue eyes met tired ones.  
Then lips pecked his own, a grunt escaping his throat as he finally pushed the door open. He tossed the keys on the floor of the room, arms wrapping around Jack and dragging him in.

His liebe kicked the door closed behind him, kissing back just as hungrily while he wrapped his arms around the doctor's broad shoulders. He kept on taking steps back, until he was sitting on the edge of the bed.  
Large hands made their way to the back of Jack's thighs, pulling the other closer so that he was sitting on him. Jack's chest pressed against his own, and every inch of skin that made contact with his own felt as if it was burning. 

"Of course I still love you, mein liebe....mein lovely liebe..." Henrik managed to get out between all the kissing, words hushed as he pushed Jack away from him. Jack hummed at the words, glancing off to the side. His hands grabbed at the bottom of the Irishman's shirt, pulling it up and over his head. Just like old times. 

Except...ugly scars littered Jack's chest and stomach. Ugly but healed. His grey-blue eyes softened, tentatively reaching a hand forward. His fingers ghosted over the scars, and he flinched, remembering how...how he had done this.  
The worst night of his life. Dragged off and kidnapped right after he...he hurt his Jack. Ripped the skin in shreds. So desperate to get rid of Anti, so desperate...a mere pawn in Anti's hand from the start. No matter how much he struggled, all that seemed to happen was Jack getting worse and worse and eventually -  
Eventually he was taken. Believing that he...he had killed Jack.

Sometimes he wonders if Jack really is dead. If his sickened and insane mind is just tricking him so he doesn't go off the deep end.  
But...but Jack is here. With him. Touching him. This is real. This can't just be another fantasy, he's had too many of those, surely he deserves something real.

"I - I'm so sorry...I -"  
"Hen, it's okay...it was a bad night for both of us." Jack muttered, and he noticed how the Irishman pressed his lips together and closed his eyes for a brief moment.  Henrik stared at Jack, mouth hanging open as he desperately tried to find the words.  
Anything. Say something.

Instead, he shook his head before leaning up again to press his lips against Jack, shifting them in bed so the Irishman's back was pressed against the bed as he hovered over him.  
He looked so vulernable like this...chest exposed, legs spread, and a hopeful look on his face.  
Most of the things Henrik has wanted. 

That went with what he wanted overall; Jack being his. In every sense of the word. 

"You wouldn't believe how long I've wanted this...how long I've wanted you." Henrik whispered, pressing small kisses to Jack's jaw. The mewl he received from his lover was all it took for him to lower his head, nipping gently at his neck that was bare other than a long, dull scar. Ready to be marked by him.  
His. Isn't that what Jack has always been? His? And wouldn't...wouldn't he be Jack's as well? So many years...no contact, and yet, Henrik is so willing to leave his life behind for Jack...  
An equal share. An equal obsession...

Still beautiful. After so long, still so beautiful. All Henrik would ever need, if Jack would just be his.  
But that was impossible to wish for at this point, wasn't it? Jack had moved on...while he hadn't. Jack was different now (oh, but he's sure he would still love everything about Jack...), while he has only gotten better at hiding his horrible self. Gotten better at distracting himself.

A torn. Want and wish against his logic and common sense. Desperation for the younger man made it worse for him to control his emotions. 

"H - Hen...Hen," Henrik focused more on Jack, realizing how he had spaced out for a moment. Hands cupped his face, forcing him to stare down into baby blue eyes. "I...I will always love you, ok? Even after all this...after so many years...I still love you."

Perhaps it was the starstruck and lovestruck expression in Henrik's usually analytical gaze, or maybe it was the way the doctor grinned and visibly relaxed, either way, Jack happily smiled and pulled Henrik closer to him.

"I thought - I was so afraid that you hated me back then. Thought you'd never forgive me." Henrik chuckled, sadness panging in his chest at the mere mention of that...It has been so unbearable, to be seperated from the one he loved the most, only for him to come back and for his lover to openly hate him...

But now he has his lover. Under him. Loving him. Adoring him, even.  
Or, at least, he hopes. 

"Well, there was nothing to forgive after you left." Jack muttered, eyes half-lidded as he wrapped his arms around Henrik's neck, tangling his fingers in now-messy hair. Soft and gentle, unlike the words Jack uttered. "No time to forgive, just...moving on. Forgetting."  
Henrik stared down at him, unable to respond. The sudden shift in the mood left him feeling uncomfortable in his intoxicated state, and for a moment he was barely able to register the rather upsetting words.

Ja...ja...that makes a lot more sense. Jack didn't forgive him, but more or less moved on from it.  
He wonders if Jack still hates him for the silly lies Anti forced into his pretty, spoiled brain. Maybe him running off and cutting off all contact didn't help all the hatred...  
And maybe he doesn't regret it.  
If he had stayed another damn moment in that tense household, he would've lost his mind. He wasn't sure how to deal with the isolation, with being outcasted...he wasn't sure how Jackie dealt with it -

(His husband. Right. He has a husband. He forgot his husband -)

"Ja, like forgetting how you all pushed me aside. Forgetting how you never gave me the fucking chance to explain what happened to me." His hands balled into fists, grip tight as he grabbed onto the blanket that was beneath the Irishman. "You didn't care, Jack. You wanted to believe whatever lies Anti, Jameson - hell even Chase told you. Half of the egos didn't even know the full story! But oh, you trusted them more than you trust me!"  
A pained noise escaped his throat, tears fresh in his eyes, lips curled into a frown that he was all too familiar with wearing. 

"What did I do, Jack? What did I ACTUALLY do to deserve your hatred?" Henrik sneered. Sure, it hurt to see Jack flinch, to see the guilt paint his expression. But this was...all so built-up. And to be quite honest, he believes Jack deserves this little outburst. "Because it's been five years, and I'm hoping to whatever afterlife there is that you've figured out that Anti was lying. Your favourite ego lied to you, hurt us. And yet, I get kidnapped and tortured and I'm more hated?" 

There was so much more he wanted to say. So much more. Tears were beginning to roll down his cheeks and his words became choked up in his throat, he strained to get them out. Struggled to make Jack hear what he has to say, instead of just insisting that it all went a different way.  
The only people in his old lab that day was an unconscious Jack, him, and a lurking Anti. That's it. Jack wasn't awake when everything went to shit. He didn't have to see it. And he barely even felt it for that matter. Slipping into a coma may have been violent, yes, but it was better than waking up in a cell with bruises and memories haunting you of your mistakes.

"Hen." Jack said, clearly struggling to contain his own, faded anger. Since it was clear that they couldn't speak to each other for the moment, Jack used his position to drag Henrik lower, pulling the doctor in for a rushed kiss.  
Henrik growled in his throat but quickly took advantage of this, harshly nipping at Jack's bottom lip to gain access. Jack gasped, and there was now a small taste of copper on Jack's soft lips, Henrik quickly began to dominate the kiss, wanting to do anything else besides talk about the past.  
A stark contrast from their shy and excited kissing before. Desperation and roughness powered this kiss, making it sloppy and harsh.

And...and tears. Mostly from Henrik, who was violently shaking. His grip on Jack had tightening, hoping to stop fucking shaking for once. Gott -  
He thought he moved on.  
Thought thought thought.  
But thinking never got you anywhere, did it? It always ends up terrible whenever you're in your head for too long. Always. 

So Henrik didn't trust it. He didn't. He didn't move on, he only lied to himself. But he's used to that, isn't he?  
He unclenched his fists from the blanket, moving them to grip Jack's hips instead. Blunt fingernails dug themselves into porcelain skin, leaving crescent shapes in the skin.  
Skin. He itched to feel every bit of Jack's skin. Especially now, when actions meant more than words, when the only remedy and destruction in his life is Jack. 

As it's always been.

His turtleneck was being tugged up and over his head, causing him to stop for a moment. As soon as his shirt was off, hands were feeling his chest. Fingers brushed over his nipples, making him shiver, and the two wandering hands trailed lower and lower.  
A small smirk played on his lips as Jack struggled to unbutton his black jeans. He hummed, waiting, and took off his glasses. 

Finally, his jeans were unbutton, and needy hands tugged them down his thighs. He pulled away from Jack, pushing his jeans down to his knees, before immediately going to take off Jack's sweatpants. He couldn't resist pecking Jack's lips as he tossed the pants on the floor. Unspoken words made the air tense, which they desperately attempted to disperse with how touchy they were. 

Some emotions couldn't be explained through words anyways, so perhaps this was for the better.  
(Even if he craved to hear Jack's lovely voice mutter words into his ear...)

The noises Jack was making though would be enough for now. He grinded his cock right in between Jack's spread legs, grunting when the Irishman moaned beneath him. It was a mess, flushed skin pressed against flushed skin, noises filling the room.  
At one point, Henrik sunk his teeth into Jack's neck, not a soft, gentle nip either. Copper swarmed in his mouth, and he began toying with the waistband of the other man's boxers when he recieved a long, drawn-out moan. He sucked the spot, wanting to make a mark, to leave a memory.  
To leave anything. 

(He felt like this wouldn't last...that they wouldn't be wrapped up in eachother's arms forever. He wanted to leave behind marks, bruises, whatever he could to implant it in Jack's mind that he was here..and that he would be there if needed-)  
Oh, but that was just him being hopeless. Surely Jack wouldn't leave him alone after this...?

"Jack. Mein liebe." Henrik rasped out, shoving his boxers down his thighs, while also tugging down Jack's and tossing them somewhere else. He wanted Jack's attention, wanted to...to hear his voice.  
Baby blue eyes stared at him, dilated with lust and need, and he felt his hands tremble once more with anticipation.  
He spat into his hand, beginning to pump himself so they had at least a little bit of lube. Spit wasn't a good substitute, but it was all they had....  
The most he cares about is how good Jack will feel during this. Yeah, he'll feel amazing too. Being able to have his old crush after so long...to even just be by him again was pleasurable in itself. But he wanted Jack to feel good. Wanted Jack to want this as much as he did.  
Wanted Jack to want him.

"Please. Say my name." 

A simple command, soft on his tongue and sweet to the other man's ears.  
In a way, it was asking for confirmation that Jack wanted this. Or maybe Henrik really did selfishly want to hear Jack's lovely voice echo in his ear,,,,to remember the loving way Jack says his name.

"Henrik..." Jack cupped Henrik's face with his hands, bringing the other down so he could softly peck soft, pouty lips. Henrik visibly relaxed, all tension from their previous conversation gone - for the most part, mainly just ignored for now. He gripped at Jack's thighs, holding them apart as he pushed his cock into his tight hole. 

They both moaned into the kiss, and Henrik had to refrain from picking up speed already. He slowly thrusted in, pulling out a little only to slowly thrust in once more. Dragging this out. Making sure Jack was fine with the speed.  
All it took was Jack wrapping his arms around Henrik's shoulders and pleading;

"Faster, Hen. Pl - please." 

Who could say no to such a request?

The sound of skin slapping skin quickly filled the room, accompanied by their moans and sloppy kisses. 

"I always imagined doing this to you...touching you like this, back when we slept in the same bed." Henrik admitted between gasps and moans, head dropping to nuzzle in the crook of Jack's neck and the blanket beneath them. "It was always so...you were always so. Damn. Tempting." With each stop between words, he angled his thrust, earning a gasp from Jack. 

"Well...then - then why didn't you try something?" 

Henrik blinked, pressing lazy kisses to the side of Jack's neck as he continued to roll his hips. 

"I've always wanted you. Always. And -" Jack was cut off by a moan, digging his nails into Henrik's shoulders, legs shaking when Henrik bucked his hips forward. "And - and just - fuck - I love you so much, so so much." Jack began to babble, squirming so he could buck his hips up into Henrik's thrusting. His eyes were screwed shut, face flushed red.  
This...this was the best thing he's experienced in a while...

It was all a rush, a blur, as to what happened after that. The scent of the other - the feel of the other - was doing things to Henrik he's never even felt before. And the alcohol that mixed in....  
Well, apparently it was pretty to Jack. If the compliments that poured from Jack's mouth when he climaxed had anything to say about that.  
Henrik became sloppier, lazier with his own movements. Thrusting into Jack, reaching his own climax.

Jack's name dripped from his tongue like the poison it always was. A poison that would destroy all of him; destroy who he was desperately trying to present himself as, destroy the man he lies about being, destroy the true him.  
It doesn't matter about all of the good things he has in his life. That doesn't matter in the slightest. All that matters is Jack. All that matters is the way Jack hugs him close, the way Jack kisses him as if this is the last time he will.  
(Oh, but it was, wasn't it?)

"I...I love you. I love you. Remeber when I used to say 'ich liebe dich'? That meant 'I love you,'" Henrik's voice was breathy, mouth so close to Jack's ear as he allowed himself to fall to the Irishman's side, halfway on top of him, halfway on the blanket. "I've always wanted you. Never wanted to leave you...no, no. When I left you, it was because you drove me away."

It became harder to keep his eyes moments as the seconds ticked by. Jack's body-warmth made him drowsy...made him feel as if this wasn't even real.  
The other was wrapped up in his arms - he was wrapped up in the other's arms. They were clinging to eachother, and the night seemed to drag on for them just so they didn't have to make the options the morning would present them. 

"I'm...I'm sorry, Henrik." 

With closed eyes, Henrik felt the sleep creeping in on him. Yet Jack's body was still prominent, even as his limbs grew weaker with exhaustion, Jack's body was so...heavy against his own. So there.  
He hopes it will always be there. Whenever he sleeps. A pressure to look forward to each night.  
(But he can't look forward to that, right?)

"I love you, Jack."

The other didn't answer, and Henrik fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of an au me and my friend made! It follows our main canon, but then it veers off and turns into something we call "marriage au"  
> Henrik and Jackie ran off together, still not over Jack and Anti, but in order to not feel lonely/to convince themselves that they've moved on, they get married! And things get messy when Jack and Anti pop up in their lives again,,,  
> Ofc there's more to it but that's basically the summed down version! Enjoy!!! (Sorry for the potentially bad smut haha - and ik I havent posted here in a while but I wanna try posting more!!!)
> 
> Henrik x Jack is one of my and my friend's otps like y'all are honestly SLEEPING on it  
> -unedited, if I ever get the patience to edit something -


End file.
